Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I want to go to there...

Even if you've never seen the show 30 Rock, most women could probably relate to this wondrous scenario Liz Lemon finds herself in.

Who wouldn't like to open the door to a handsome guy who bakes, and smells like frosting, no less?

Ding, ding, ding. I want to go to there!

Ok, even it that's not your thing, how about a man who consistently washes the dishes without reminder? Then gets the kids in their jammies, helps them brush their teeth, and tucks them in bed with nary a grumble or frustrated sigh? And possibly after all that, he still has the energy to give you a thorough foot rub, just because he wants to...

Pretty nice fantasy, huh?

Not saying there aren't plenty of wonderful boyfriends, husbands, and fathers out there who do nice things for their loved ones, but compared to our built up "dream" dude, he may seem lacking.

With all the female geared romance movies, magazine articles, and not so realistic, reality shows out there, it's easy to contrast what you've got with the perfect billboard male specimen, only to feel dissatisfied afterwards. Or you might find yourself mentally chafing about "your friend Regina's husband Matt who took her to a fancy restaurant last weekend," while the last time you ate non home made food was from a card board Lean Cuisine box.

There are a million other similar instances you may notice and add to the growing list of grievances, that your unsuspecting guy knows nothing about.

As far as he's concerned, things are just peachy keen in paradise, and that look you sent him this morning contained no daggers. In fact, when he gets home from work, he'll probably flip on the sports channel while you put the finishing touches on dinner. Maybe grab a cold drink and settle into the easy chair, while his mind clears from the stress of the day.

Meanwhile, your stress just keeps piling up until the warning light starts flashing "overload" and steam begins coming from the top of your head, rather than the top of the stove. Suddenly, you loath the man in the lazy boy with not a care in the world. Can't he see the kids need to be washed up before supper? Doesn't he smell the pot of macaroni burning in the kitchen?

Your heated musings may contain, but not be limited to:

"The Bachelor" showers his beloved with roses and private jets, Gilbert Blythe would do anything for his one and only, Anne, and didn't Redbook's latest article just warned about "10 signs your husband may be a selfish lover?" Not helping at meal time was number 3!

With these thoughts swirling, you confront hubby then wait for an apology.

None is forth coming. Instead, you get a bewildered, or possibly angry, stare that's even more maddening than the faults themselves. Is it at all possible he didn't comprehend a word you've just ranted? Is he not listening? (Number 5 on Redbook's don't list.) 

Either way, he's on your bad list now. Indefinitely.

All because he can't measure up to your expectations; which you're not exactly sure of yourself. (You just somehow know he hasn't met them.)

And, really, what's wrong with coming home from work and immediately sitting down to relax after a long, hard, day?

Nada. At least from the guy's point of view.

Yet, women often see things differently. And usually we expect men to agree with, or at least concede to our perspective, despite not fully understanding it.

(Yes, I know. We're a complicated breed.)

But, just like we all have our own  unique "I want to go to there" fantasies that will probably never happen, is it then unrealistic of women to place their own individual expectations on a guy?

What do you think?  How much does the culture around us influence our view of the man's role? Do women, in general, expect too much or not enough?

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